Part of the Voice I Almost Lost – Blog #15
by Alana Pierre Curry
We love to talk about grace.
How important it is to extend it.
How much we appreciate it when it’s given to us.
But here’s something I’ve learned—sometimes grace gets misunderstood.
When you ask for grace, you’re asking for space.
Space to breathe.
Space to get yourself together.
Space to work on whatever it is that’s off-balance in your life.
Grace is a gift.
It’s a bridge between where you are and where you want to be.
It’s not a permanent address.
Grace Is an Opportunity
When someone offers you grace, they’re not saying, “Keep doing what you’re doing—it’s fine.”
They’re saying, “I see you’re struggling. I believe in you enough to give you time to adjust, to grow, to get it right.”
But here’s where it gets tricky.
If nothing changes, if time keeps passing without any effort toward growth, then what started as grace can quietly turn into permission.
Permission to stay stuck.
Permission to keep hurting others without consequence.
And that’s when the giver of grace starts to feel the weight.
The Giver’s Dilemma
If you’re the one offering grace, you can start to feel trapped.
You gave it out of empathy, but now you’re wondering—
Am I supporting them, or am I enabling them?
And if you decide to pull back, to protect your own peace, the guilt creeps in.
You wonder if that makes you cold or unsympathetic.
But the truth is, grace without boundaries isn’t kindness—it’s self-neglect.
Grace Comes with Responsibility
Asking for grace carries a responsibility:
Use the time well.
Do the work.
Take the feedback.
Make the changes.
And if you truly want growth, be willing to hear the hard truth about how you’re showing up in the world. Because grace without awareness isn’t really grace—it’s avoidance.
The Balance
I’ve come to believe that the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and the other person—is to pair grace with expectation.
Expectation that the space you’re giving is being used to heal, to learn, to grow.
Because grace is most beautiful when it moves us forward.
Not when it holds us in place.