Part of the Voice I Almost Lost – Blog #16
by Alana Pierre Curry
There was a time when I asked an acquaintance — not a close friend, not someone I trusted — how my hair looked. I had taken the time to style it, and when I left the house, I thought it looked great. But in a moment of insecurity, I gave that person the opportunity to weigh in.
Why did I do that? Why did I hand over my joy to someone who didn’t have my best interests at heart?
The truth is, I was seeking reassurance. I wanted confirmation that what I already felt inside — confidence, pride in how I looked — was “good enough” in someone else’s eyes. But the problem with asking the wrong person is that their response may have nothing to do with me.
Sometimes, people carry their own insecurities so heavily that it feels easier to bring someone else down than to lift them up. Not everyone does this, of course. But some people will find comfort in cutting others, not realizing they’re also cutting themselves off from friendship, support, or connection.
That day, I walked away with less joy than I started with. But the lesson was this: don’t give people the fuel to steal your joy. Some people will burn it just to watch the flames.
In leadership, I’ve seen the same dynamic play out. A new team leader steps in, and instead of learning from those who are already successful, they begin tearing down what works. Maybe they feel threatened. Maybe they don’t understand the process and don’t want to admit it. Instead of growing what is strong, they undo it.
It’s the same mistake: giving insecurity the power to drive decisions.
As individuals — in life or at work — we have to guard our joy and our confidence carefully. We can grow, we can evolve, and we can even ask for feedback. But the key is who we invite into that space. Choose the people who will see you, support you, and help you shine brighter.
Because your joy is yours to keep. Don’t hand someone else the match.