Part of the Voice I Almost Lost – Blog #29
by Alana Pierre Curry
Today, I realized something that stopped me in my tracks. I am standing in a familiar place of uncertainty.
Thirteen years ago, I made the decision to leave a situation because I could feel my outlook changing. It was becoming harder to appear okay when I wasn’t. I could feel myself shrinking, hardening, and disconnecting from the version of myself I wanted to be. Rather than risk burning bridges or losing myself entirely, I changed my situation.
What do you do when you are just not okay?
It is strange to name this out loud because I know how many supportive people surround me. And yet, here I am, policing myself. Not wanting to bother others. Holding back because I want to protect how people see me or to not hurt others’ feelings…Convincing myself that if I stay quiet long enough, I will magically pull myself out of it.
I even catch myself questioning whether I deserve to feel this way at all. I just came back from a beautiful vacation. I entered the new year feeling peaceful and grounded. So why would I allow myself to feel unsettled now?
Reality has a way of answering that question for you.
What I know for certain is this. Pretending everything is fine is not the same as being fine. Putting on a happy face may keep things moving, but it does not make you whole. And leadership, real leadership, requires honesty. Even when the honesty is uncomfortable.
I did not put myself in this situation. But I am responsible for what happens next.
That is a hard truth to sit with. It requires strength, intention, and action. It means deciding that I will not revisit this place again if I can help it. It means acknowledging that while I cannot control everything around me, I can control how I respond and what I choose to change.
This is where faith and determination must collide.
I believe God has blessings ahead of me. But I also believe faith requires movement. It requires courage. It requires trusting that doing the right thing for yourself does not make you selfish. It makes you wise.
As leaders, we are often incredible at showing up for others. We encourage. We reassure. We problem-solve. We pour into teams, families, and communities. We remind others of their worth and potential.
But sometimes the leader has to turn inward and do the same work for herself.
I need to lead myself with the same compassion, clarity, and accountability I have offered to others. I need to fill my own cup with encouragement instead of self-doubt. I need to give myself permission to grow, to pivot, and to protect my peace.
Leadership is not just about guiding others. It is also about knowing when to advocate for yourself. It is about recognizing when something is no longer aligned and having the courage to respond thoughtfully, not reactively.
I am navigating this season with care. For others, yes. But also for myself.
Because being a strong leader does not mean never struggling. It means choosing yourself even when the path forward feels uncertain. And trusting that clarity, growth, and blessing often begin on the other side of honesty.